Several weeks ago, I travelled up to Princeton to attend a conference entitled “She Roars: Celebrating Women at Princeton.” I will admit that I am still on a high from this exhilarating experience. I have several takeaways from the weekend, and also some specific topics I’d like to address in the future. With 1300 women returning, representing fully 5 percent of all female graduates, the Alumni Office could count the weekend a success based purely on numbers. A far more important measure, however, was the fact that, as one of my friends said, “Everyone is beaming.” That response says much about the University’s careful planning and what women want and need. And that, of course, is why I’m writing about an experience that might seem quite irrelevant to you, my faithful reader.
First, the Alumni Office didn’t presume to know what the University’s female graduates would want from a women’s conference. Instead, they decided to ask. They scheduled planning sessions in cities all over the country, inviting anyone who had ever volunteered for the University to dinner. I attended the Washington planning session which proved a fun opportunity to catch up with friends and acquaintances but also an effective way to collect input while simultaneously promoting the conference. Each dinner table had a note taker and we had specific questions to answer. Nothing was left to chance though there was ample opportunity for wide ranging conversation and a variety of perspectives. It was especially interesting to have alumnae from the 1970s to the 2000s at my table. While I doubt our thoughts differed markedly from those gleaned in other cities, it was nice to see the actual conference schedule reflect our suggestions.
We wanted to hear from some of our most notable female alumnae, especially Sonia Sotomayor ‘74 or Elena Kagan ’81; we wanted to learn about women’s experience on campus today; we wanted to talk about the balancing of work, career and family; and we wanted to be able to network. Lesson #1: women liked to be involved and have a say in the activities in which they are involved; likewise the activities will be more successful if the planners get input. Lesson #2: educated women share the same interests and concerns the nation-round. We like hearing from prominent women; we are concerned about work, career and family balance issues; we seek opportunities to network; and we care about the women who follow us.
The conference offerings featured a series of workshops and keynotes, all echoing the input from the planning events. There were sessions on undergraduate women and leadership, work-life balance, children, literature environmentalism, parenthood, women in the nation’s service, STEM, athletics, journalism, the arts and business—you name it. While all the sessions had an element of presentation, they were structured to include significant interaction. As women from the first coeducational classes in the early 1970s to recent graduates shared perspectives, questions, and concerns, we experienced the true essence of the weekend.
One of the highpoints was interactive, but didn’t involve the audience. University President Shirley Tilghman and Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor ’74 had a conversation before an audience of 1000 plus. Responding to questions as wide-ranging as how she ended up at Princeton and relationships among justices on the Supreme Court, Sotomayor came across as humble, warm, funny, diplomatic and determined. We all fell in love with her. And again, the structure was distinctly female: the justice didn’t stand before as and give a speech. Instead, she and President Tilghman had a conversation, with all of us eavesdropping. We got to know the justice through the context of their relationship.
Justice Sotomayor was sitting near us at dinner and I introduced myself. She warmly invited our students to visit her. But one of the highlights of the weekend occurred after dinner when familiar 1970s music got us to our feet. Soon we were all dancing with a Supreme Court Justice! That was sisterhood we won’t soon forget!
By the way, orange pashminas were draped over the backs of each of our chairs at dinner. The next day, the orange wraps were the fashion statements. If I could, I’d figure out a way to wear mine every day.
Meg Whitman ‘77, former eBay CEO and California gubernatorial candidate, was most gracious as she spoke on Saturday in the courtyard of the college that bears her name. Whitman made her gift of $30 million—at the time the largest gift in Princeton’s history —very early in her tenure as a trustee. It was also early in President Tilghman’s tenure. Whitman explained that she was motivated in part to make such a generous donation to help Tilghman, Princeton’s first female president, as fundraising is often a measure of a university president’s success. Whitman didn’t originally want the college named for her, but Tilghman persuaded her to abandon her modesty. Naming the college in her honor allowed Whitman to serve as a more effective role model for female philanthropy, all the more important since women tend to be less financially generous than men. It was notable that Whitman didn’t speak about eBay or about her campaign for governor; instead, she used her bully pulpit to talk about philanthropy and about leadership. We, especially those of us in female institutions, need more women to generously and publicly support the institutions that have made a difference in their lives. By doing so, we will ensure that the same opportunities exist for the generations that follow them.
Perhaps my favorite part of the weekend was a Saturday morning discussion entitled “Forget Balance, Try for Sanity Instead” led by New York Times writer Lisa Belkin ’82. You may be familiar with Belkin from her “Life’s Work” column or her “Motherlode” blog. You also might recognize her from her controversial 2003 New York Times Magazine article, “The Opt-Out Revolution,” in which she chronicled a number of well-educated, successful women’s (many of them Princeton graduates) decisions to leave the workforce to concentrate on their families. Women eager to receive Belkin’s wisdom and share their own experiences filled the large lecture hall (where Belkin remembered dropping out of Econ 101). I will delve deeper into this discussion in a later column, but I want to share my primary takeaway from this session: women crave these opportunities to bond through shared challenges, sorrows, joys, and triumphs. However, unlike men, who play golf or basketball together or who, as a classmate of mine pointed out, go out for drinks after work, we do not have natural gathering activities – especially working mothers who are so constantly pressed for time and feel that every moment free from work should be devoted to their families. I mentioned this observation to the woman sitting next to me who agreed and credited the popularity of book clubs to this need.
So I have challenged my readers intentionally to create sustained opportunities for this kind of bonding -- be it a book club, a giving circle, an investment club, a singing group—you name it. And think about girls schools as great venues to host your group. Let’s build our sisterhood, and if we’re lucky, maybe we’ll arrange for pashminas in a color of your choosing!
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